I usually use the OEM NGKs, but not always. Many plugs do come pre-gapped and some will even say not to try gapping them yourself. My Patriot is the first vehicle on which I've ever torqued spark plugs. Historically I went to snug and 3/4 turn further. Back in the day plugs were 10,000 mile items so changing them was pretty regular. I used to clean and re-use my plugs, too. Those days are over.
And yes, 90,000 miles is way past due. I'm a little surprised that your Patriot hasn't complained long before this -- running rough, throwing codes, low power, etc. The first time I changed my plugs they came out really hard, almost scary. I always use anti-seize and haven't had a problem since.
As for tools, you'll need the torque wrench, the socket, and probably an extension because the plugs are way down there. Also a torx screwdriver to remove the coils. I use the coils to insert my new plugs to avoid cross-threading. There are videos and how-to threads on this site, too. Of course you'll be nervous the first time, but really it's quite straightforward. Once you've done it you'll wonder why the dealer charges so much. Even if you have to buy the tools, you'll save enough money to take the kids out for ice cream every weekend for the rest of the summer!